What Does Silent Treatment Abuse Look Like?

In my last post, I shared that silent treatment occurs when someone intentionally withholds communication to make the other person feel ignored, rejected, or powerless. Narcissistic abuse is a devastating experience, often filled with manipulative tactics designed to disarm, confuse, and control. Among the many forms of emotional and psychological manipulation that narcissists use, one of the most insidious is the silent treatment.

One of the reasons I missed the red flags is because I was unaware that silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. I feel compelled to ensure others learn to spot this early on.

Don't miss the signs! You owe it to yourself!

Examples of narcissistic silent treatment can vary in severity and length, but they all serve the same purpose: to manipulate, control, and emotionally punish the victim. Here are some common forms:

1. Sudden and Unexplained Silence

After a minor disagreement or even no conflict at all, the narcissist may suddenly stop talking to you without explanation. This leaves you confused and scrambling to figure out what went wrong. You may find yourself repeatedly trying to initiate conversation, only to be met with cold indifference.

2. Refusal to Acknowledge Your Presence

A narcissist might physically be present but act as if you don’t exist. This can happen during normal daily routines—like sitting in the same room, eating meals together, or even when you're trying to engage them in conversation. They will avoid eye contact, ignore questions, and act as if they don’t hear you, creating a painful sense of invisibility.

3. Ghosting

In some cases, a narcissist may abruptly cut off all communication for days, weeks, or even longer. This "disappearing act" usually happens after the narcissist feels you have wronged them in some way. It can leave you feeling abandoned, anxious, and desperate for answers, unsure if or when they will return.

4. Withholding Important Information

A narcissist might give you the silent treatment by deliberately withholding important information, such as plans, schedules, or decisions that affect both of you. For example, they may not tell you about a family event or change of plans, making you feel excluded or uninformed.

5. Public Silent Treatment

Narcissists can use the silent treatment in public settings to humiliate and embarrass their victims. In front of others, they may refuse to respond to you or pretend that you don’t exist, making you feel awkward and isolated. This behavior is often intended to assert dominance and make you feel powerless.

6. Selective Silence

A narcissist may talk to others in the room but purposely ignore you. They might engage in conversation with family, friends, or coworkers, but completely exclude you from the dialogue. This selective silence is a form of passive-aggressive punishment designed to make you feel insignificant and alienated.

7. Ending Conversations Abruptly

During a discussion or argument, a narcissist might suddenly stop responding and walk away mid-sentence. This abrupt end to communication leaves you hanging, unsure how to resolve the issue or move forward, and reinforces their control over the situation.

8. Refusing to Acknowledge Your Feelings

Even when you express how their silence affects you emotionally, a narcissist may refuse to acknowledge your feelings. They might remain silent or respond dismissively, further invalidating your emotions and deepening your sense of isolation.

9. Prolonged Silent Treatment as a Threat

In some relationships, the narcissist uses prolonged periods of silence as a form of punishment and control. The victim might eventually come to fear these silences and try to “behave” or cater to the narcissist’s needs to avoid being ignored for extended periods.

These tactics are designed to exert control and cause emotional pain, leaving the victim feeling helpless, anxious, and eager to make amends—even when they’ve done nothing wrong.

I suffer from Complex PTSD and I'm still here

I have experienced all of the above, and it is shattering to the soul. These behaviors leave you feeling invisible, rejected, and hopeless. But I encourage you to reach out to a trusted friend or seek help if the person you are dating does any or all of the above. No one deserves to feel this way. More is possible—healing, healthy relationships, and a life free from manipulation are within reach. I have had a very long journey of pain and suffering, but I have built a good life and surrounded myself with people who love me. Hang in there. I hope things get better for you.